Brain Spew in Lieu of Wit

I have always been very focused on my identity - what do I believe in? Do I embody those values in both thought and action? How am I perceived and how can I better align those perceptions with who I want to be? How is my environment, past and current, affecting how I see myself? How are my mental illness, pain, and fatigue affecting my behavior? What are my goals and how are they affecting my self image? Okay, so I've been accused of excessive metacognition . I blame reading so much philosophy and Victorian literature as a kid (the stoic and socratic philosophies are great for building this skill, but I digress). I also wanted to be a teacher at a very young age and have always been very aware of societal expectations, so I have spent most of my life being very careful of what I publicly share about myself and what might be used against me should some parent or administrator feel they need to take me down or control me. ....I also grew up in a family where you needed to know ...

Another year between posts. I would usually give a quick summary of the missing time, but I think I'll skip that this round. I'm moving back into a position where I can start planning consistent updates, but I also know that I have difficulty maintaining routines with my personal projects. The important thing is that I'm writing now. I'm trying to focus on that. I'm afraid. I'm exhausted and in pain. I worry my medication regimen has become merely a stop-gap, but I don't know what "properly medicated" looks like for me. I think I'm finally recovering from my 2015 burnout, which is bittersweet. I contemplate putting my schedule in a tighter stranglehold, knowing that it hasn't worked in the past and any goals I was trying to attain just fell between my fingers like sand. I'm afraid for so many reasons. Donald Trump's presidency has been...exhausting and infuriating. He's inconsistent, volatile, racist, and completely out of t...