Creative Work & Mental Illness
One of the most constant conversations with my friends is how to keep up our creative endeavors while we're fighting depression and anxiety. I know that I personally feel hopeless in dragging my pen through depressive numbness and overcoming the defeatist terror that comes from feeling like nothing I say matters, or has been said before, or is wildly inaccurate. I'm notorious for freezing and going dark (creatively and otherwise) when I'm depressed and overwhelmed. What I ultimately forget, though, is that writing is part of my self-care. Not writing is akin to not cleaning my house or not showering. Unfortunately, like any self-care, being creative through depressive lows and anxiety spikes requires practice and patience.
Journaling (the Writer's Sketchbook)
My anxiety and perfectionism tell me that every work should be a masterpiece, that anything less than brilliant is not worth putting in words. This, naturally, blocks my creative process. I know that nothing I write will be perfect, especially on the first draft. I can't get past the sense that it's not worth the time to get words out if no one wants to read them. I even had this problem with journaling, as if the end goal of rambling to a blank book was for posterity or something. I still have this problem, sometimes. I'm trying to break through this logic, though. Journaling lets me get my jumbled up thoughts out of my head. It gives me a "free" space to keep up my writing habit, without feeling the need to be creative (or even make sense).
Practice
I also need to remember that the best works come from practice. Creating daily - even if it's a description of a moment, part of a blog post, or a few lines of a poem - gives me the opportunity to work toward the good ideas. I'm able to stay in practice and hone my craft, even if I think the immediate product is garbage. No one has to see anything I don't want to show, and every piece has a gem in it.
Tracking
Tracking my writing has been a huge help. I'm able to see how long it's been since I've last written and track when I tend to fall off. I have to be careful, though, because I tend to overwhelm myself with minimum word counts. So, I have settled on a a checkbox in my tracker. I don't track what I wrote or how much. Just that I did. This method gives me a sense of accomplishment without excessive pressure (which, let's be real, I put on myself in pretty much every aspect of my life).
Accountability & Honesty
Holding yourself accountable is important. Know what your creative work is to you and to the people you will share it with. Creative hobbies are so important and can be vital to managing mental illness. You don't need to push yourself so hard as someone who sells their work, but aiming to create something two or three times a week could do wonders. If you're a creative worker, whether freelance or otherwise, you need to be honest with yourself. How much work can you do in your worst lows? How can you accommodate for those times you can't work at all? What do you need to be in a creative mode?
I spent most of my adult life basing my productivity goals on my hypomanic output - what I could do when I had the most energy I ever have and the most ideas and sleep the least. One of the best things I did for my creative work is recognizing that isn't a sustainable goal. I'm never going to be the person who can work my day job, tutor for three hours, then write 1,000 words every night. Honestly, I rarely write 1,000 words in a sitting. I keep myself accountable with my tracker, my Patreon, and reminding myself that I'm going to be happier if I just get a word on the page.
Getting Past the Romanticization
Okay, confession time: I was the kid who wanted to be mentally ill. So many of my favorite artists and inventors were known to have mental illnesses and terrible lives and they made masterpieces. I thought that was the common thread. And there's some research to suggest that there is a link between creativity and mental illness. What I have learned on my journey toward mental health is that I'm not more creative when I'm ill. I'm most prolific and poignant when I'm treated - when I am on my medications and I am sleeping well and when I'm eating regularly. I still have pronounced self-destructive tendencies and I regularly fail at managing my self-care, but knowing that I am more whole and enjoy my craft more when I do the hard work of being well.
Journaling (the Writer's Sketchbook)
My anxiety and perfectionism tell me that every work should be a masterpiece, that anything less than brilliant is not worth putting in words. This, naturally, blocks my creative process. I know that nothing I write will be perfect, especially on the first draft. I can't get past the sense that it's not worth the time to get words out if no one wants to read them. I even had this problem with journaling, as if the end goal of rambling to a blank book was for posterity or something. I still have this problem, sometimes. I'm trying to break through this logic, though. Journaling lets me get my jumbled up thoughts out of my head. It gives me a "free" space to keep up my writing habit, without feeling the need to be creative (or even make sense).
Practice
I also need to remember that the best works come from practice. Creating daily - even if it's a description of a moment, part of a blog post, or a few lines of a poem - gives me the opportunity to work toward the good ideas. I'm able to stay in practice and hone my craft, even if I think the immediate product is garbage. No one has to see anything I don't want to show, and every piece has a gem in it.
Tracking
Tracking my writing has been a huge help. I'm able to see how long it's been since I've last written and track when I tend to fall off. I have to be careful, though, because I tend to overwhelm myself with minimum word counts. So, I have settled on a a checkbox in my tracker. I don't track what I wrote or how much. Just that I did. This method gives me a sense of accomplishment without excessive pressure (which, let's be real, I put on myself in pretty much every aspect of my life).
Accountability & Honesty
Holding yourself accountable is important. Know what your creative work is to you and to the people you will share it with. Creative hobbies are so important and can be vital to managing mental illness. You don't need to push yourself so hard as someone who sells their work, but aiming to create something two or three times a week could do wonders. If you're a creative worker, whether freelance or otherwise, you need to be honest with yourself. How much work can you do in your worst lows? How can you accommodate for those times you can't work at all? What do you need to be in a creative mode?
I spent most of my adult life basing my productivity goals on my hypomanic output - what I could do when I had the most energy I ever have and the most ideas and sleep the least. One of the best things I did for my creative work is recognizing that isn't a sustainable goal. I'm never going to be the person who can work my day job, tutor for three hours, then write 1,000 words every night. Honestly, I rarely write 1,000 words in a sitting. I keep myself accountable with my tracker, my Patreon, and reminding myself that I'm going to be happier if I just get a word on the page.
Getting Past the Romanticization
Okay, confession time: I was the kid who wanted to be mentally ill. So many of my favorite artists and inventors were known to have mental illnesses and terrible lives and they made masterpieces. I thought that was the common thread. And there's some research to suggest that there is a link between creativity and mental illness. What I have learned on my journey toward mental health is that I'm not more creative when I'm ill. I'm most prolific and poignant when I'm treated - when I am on my medications and I am sleeping well and when I'm eating regularly. I still have pronounced self-destructive tendencies and I regularly fail at managing my self-care, but knowing that I am more whole and enjoy my craft more when I do the hard work of being well.
Wonderfully and beautifully said. <3 As a writer at heart I found myself writing more often when feeling the highs and lows of the pace of life. The timing rarely coincides with a good opportunity to put pen to paper. I forget how much I enjoy the practice of the flow of words as they make their impression upon memory.
ReplyDeleteThank you for reminding me. (My only other reminder are the pictures I take. Instagram and Facebook can be wonderful tools)