The Gift of My Time
***Disclaimer! The Gift of My Time is not intended to be purely egocentric, though this is certainly written about me and my feelings. There are semi-specific examples to help explain the points, names omitted to protect the (not-so-)innocent. These are not intended to be jabs or dwelling or anything like that. Just examples.***
The Gift of My Time is the purest gift that I can offer. When I offer this Gift, I WANT to spend time with you. I'm willing to rearrange my schedule, perhaps even my budget, to see you. Whether it be taking a road trip, playing a game, watching a movie, attending a lecture, going to a club, having a conversation, or just hanging out - I chose that activity over many other options. Often, many other pressing options. No, I'm not saying this for guilt-sake, I'm saying it so that it is understood that the Gift of My Time is given freely and in faith that you, too, want to spend time with me, care what I have to say, value me.
I'm sure that the people that I choose to gift my time to DO want to spend time with me, care what I have to say, and value me. But there are actions that make me question.
1. Last minute cancellations, especially after extensive planning. Yes, I know that things change and emergencies come up. No, I'm not going to begrudge someone if something dire comes up, like a family death, personal sickness, etc. You know, reasonable things. I will feel absolutely shitty, crushed, and betrayed for anything less valid. If you didn't want to do whatever it was, we could have decided on something else. Or not hung out at all. Because last minute weak excuses make me wonder why you even bothered to get my hopes up.
2. Talking over me. Yes, I know that we all get excited. We're geeks, after all. And we all want to make our point, which is also awesome. But, when I raise my hand, that means that I have been interrupted so often that feel like my point isn't even remotely interesting enough to listen to all the way through. I know that's not the case because people shut up and insist that I finish my point when they realize that I'm raising my hand, but it's really hard to *really* believe it when I can't finish a sentence or question or point without someone jumping in.
3. Exclusionary behavior. Once again, I know that everyone does it, without realizing it. There are people that *have* to be talked to and plots that *need* to be done and we often hang out in huge groups. But if you invite someone to play in game, be sure that they are included in the game. This is for players and gamemasters/storytellers/dungeonmasters/etc. If I walk in late (see aforementioned scheduling issues) and am not caught up on even a brief summary of what has transpired, I won't feel like my character is necessary, or that I am even wanted in the game. "You are in [this] situation in [this] area" doesn't create a connection between me, my character, and the game. It only frustrates me. Point 2 often devolves into this one, as I often give up, presuming that my views aren't valid/interesting/relevant/etc enough to be a part of the conversation.
No, I don't need to be the shiny princess in the limelight. That often makes me awkward. However, I do want to be appreciated, especially if I went out of my way to offer the Gift of My Time. And I want my friends to be appreciated, as I have a great deal of respect for the Gifts of Their Time. And I want to know if I ever make you feel like I don't appreciate your Gift. Sometimes, these things can't be avoided, and sometimes, we do it to ourselves. But, the Gift of Time is an important one, and the sense of betrayal and hurt that comes with these often unintentional oversights can be overwhelming. For the sake of friendships and supporting each other, for the sake of mental health and feeling appreciated, heighten your awareness of the snubs to the Gifts of Time.
The Gift of My Time is the purest gift that I can offer. When I offer this Gift, I WANT to spend time with you. I'm willing to rearrange my schedule, perhaps even my budget, to see you. Whether it be taking a road trip, playing a game, watching a movie, attending a lecture, going to a club, having a conversation, or just hanging out - I chose that activity over many other options. Often, many other pressing options. No, I'm not saying this for guilt-sake, I'm saying it so that it is understood that the Gift of My Time is given freely and in faith that you, too, want to spend time with me, care what I have to say, value me.
I'm sure that the people that I choose to gift my time to DO want to spend time with me, care what I have to say, and value me. But there are actions that make me question.
1. Last minute cancellations, especially after extensive planning. Yes, I know that things change and emergencies come up. No, I'm not going to begrudge someone if something dire comes up, like a family death, personal sickness, etc. You know, reasonable things. I will feel absolutely shitty, crushed, and betrayed for anything less valid. If you didn't want to do whatever it was, we could have decided on something else. Or not hung out at all. Because last minute weak excuses make me wonder why you even bothered to get my hopes up.
2. Talking over me. Yes, I know that we all get excited. We're geeks, after all. And we all want to make our point, which is also awesome. But, when I raise my hand, that means that I have been interrupted so often that feel like my point isn't even remotely interesting enough to listen to all the way through. I know that's not the case because people shut up and insist that I finish my point when they realize that I'm raising my hand, but it's really hard to *really* believe it when I can't finish a sentence or question or point without someone jumping in.
3. Exclusionary behavior. Once again, I know that everyone does it, without realizing it. There are people that *have* to be talked to and plots that *need* to be done and we often hang out in huge groups. But if you invite someone to play in game, be sure that they are included in the game. This is for players and gamemasters/storytellers/dungeonmasters/etc. If I walk in late (see aforementioned scheduling issues) and am not caught up on even a brief summary of what has transpired, I won't feel like my character is necessary, or that I am even wanted in the game. "You are in [this] situation in [this] area" doesn't create a connection between me, my character, and the game. It only frustrates me. Point 2 often devolves into this one, as I often give up, presuming that my views aren't valid/interesting/relevant/etc enough to be a part of the conversation.
No, I don't need to be the shiny princess in the limelight. That often makes me awkward. However, I do want to be appreciated, especially if I went out of my way to offer the Gift of My Time. And I want my friends to be appreciated, as I have a great deal of respect for the Gifts of Their Time. And I want to know if I ever make you feel like I don't appreciate your Gift. Sometimes, these things can't be avoided, and sometimes, we do it to ourselves. But, the Gift of Time is an important one, and the sense of betrayal and hurt that comes with these often unintentional oversights can be overwhelming. For the sake of friendships and supporting each other, for the sake of mental health and feeling appreciated, heighten your awareness of the snubs to the Gifts of Time.
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