Brain Spew in Lieu of Wit

The CopyPasta: I need a snuggle buddy and a blanket fort. I shouldn't be alone tonight [context: Beloved is travelling this week], and I don't want to be around Roommate (not for the usual reasons...it's actually all of the in my own head aversion to the way certain people feel around me, and today it's extending to a lot of close friends). I'm finding that I don't actually want to be at home, but the places that I would go have a person who fits on the above list, or is not the right feel for right now, or have way too much of their own shit, or are limited by it being a Monday night with all of the work things tomorrow. I have so much work to do, but I can't get it done because I can't focus, but I can't actually resolve any of it. Idk what to do :( The Summary:  I've been so...disconnected. Not as far as interactions or isolation or anything like that. I just don't have it in me to internally connect to all of the things. I don't ev...

Yeah. I said it. Life is hard. I mean, everyone knows that, right? And I feel like I'm whining when I say it. But, I'm not going to guilt myself for it anymore. Especially now. Because life IS hard. Especially when you're in recovery, you have a mental illness, you are overworked, underpaid, job insecure, and torn between life paths. I mean, that's HARD. Oh, and then missing family that are across the country to the point of homesickness, while not being sure how you feel about the family that lives literally down the road. It's been a few months, so I should probably catch you up... Therapist has been calling me out pretty much constantly. I mean, yeah, that's what I pay her for, but she's not letting me get away with ANYTHING anymore. I don't actually want her to stop pushing me, but it's terrifying down the path that she is leading me. I mean, I've spent the last three weeks trying to figure out how I feel about my mom. I thought that I was ...

TL;DR: Mental housecleaning that sounds like vaguebooking, but it's mostly because there's a LOT of people involved, almost all of it about sensitive topics. This stuff has been rolling around in my head for a while. Commentary on what I expect from friends and those who I trust. A LOT has happened over the last few months. A good portion of it has involved my friends and people who I trust. First, I pride myself on my integrity. When I say something, I mean it, and I trust that my friends will not be hypocrites. I won't be making that assumption any more. Any accusations about cheating, corruption, nepotism, croneyism, etc will be met with shock and an open mind. Because I can't handle fighting my ass off and spending energy that I don't have to discover that people can't follow basic ethical guidelines. Second, I DO NOT SUPPORT SEXUAL ASSAULT. I do not trust people who are actively complicit in it, nor do I have the desire to turn to people who tell people ...